Here's why I need to hear from you... currently our family... ok, maybe just me... have been dwelling in a very surreal environment. (please tell me this feeling has overcome others) We are currently sitting in the one-year ago timeframe. It was one-year ago, October that we were notified that Madison needed to be listed for a Heart Transplant. And now it is November and November 30 is creeping up on me. Madison is my miracle baby and she has turned out just fine. She is absolutely beautiful with a beautiful new heart. We have been so blessed. Everything we prayed for and hoped for turned out perfectly, yet I am dealing with the one-year ago emotions. I just can't believe that we went through a heart transplant.... Holy Cow! I often want to ask, "are you serious? For real? ... No Way!" I think the emotions that I feel today might be because I was so strong during Madison's transplant and now that a year has gone by, I can let me guard down a little, only to find that a flood of emotions appear. At times it seems so silly to be so emotional. I remind myself often that Madison is just fine, but then I remember it was a heart transplant... Holy Cow! We survived and it was so scary, but we did it.
Below is the beginning of a post that I started to write on October 8... I never finished it (go figure..)
Friday, October 8 has come and gone and we didn't receive a phone call from from Dr. Everitt. We definitely weren't expecting one, BUT then again, we weren't expecting her phone call last year either. October 8 marked one year since the phone call that I received from Dr. Everitt where she stated and explained to me in great detail that we needed to list Madison for a Heart Transplant. It still gives me chills and the tears instantly come as I think about it. I had never been so terrified in my life. As I listened to Dr. Everitt, I stood in the hallway of my little home, with tears running down, and starred at Madison as she sat eating breakfast in her highchair. I remember this day just as it was yesterday and I am still so terrified. The butterflies of nervousness have never gone away. Maybe that's just part of being a heart-mom... I don't know. If nothing else, the terrified feeling is a great reminder of the lessons I have learned throughout this past year. Two of the lessons include, The importance of life and the meaning of a family.